Why Networking Feels Fake and How to Make It Authentic

The Awkward Dance of Networking

Have you ever walked into a room full of professionals, business cards at the ready, only to feel like you're auditioning for a role you don't even want? Networking events can sometimes feel like a scripted performance—smiles plastered on, small talk about the weather or the latest traffic jam on the Third Mainland Bridge, all while wondering if anyone is really listening. For many of us in Nigeria, where opportunities often come through personal connections, networking isn't just optional; it's essential. Yet, it frequently leaves us drained and disillusioned, like we're playing a game with rules we never signed up for.

I remember my first major networking event in Lagos a few years back. It was at one of those sleek hotels in Victoria Island, buzzing with entrepreneurs, bankers, and aspiring influencers. I approached a group, introduced myself as a budding writer, and launched into my polished elevator pitch. The responses were polite nods and vague promises to 'connect on LinkedIn.' By the end of the night, I felt more isolated than empowered. Why does something meant to build bridges often feel so hollow? Let's unpack that and explore how to turn it into something real and rewarding.

Why Networking Feels So Fake

At its core, networking feels fake because it often prioritizes transactions over relationships. In a fast-paced world, especially in Nigeria's competitive job and business landscape, people show up with agendas. You're there to pitch your startup idea, snag a job lead, or boost your social media followers. The other person? Same deal. It's like haggling at Balogun Market, but instead of fabrics, you're trading contacts and compliments. The result? Conversations that skim the surface, leaving no real imprint.

Cultural nuances play a role too. In Nigeria, our communal spirit—rooted in traditions like 'ubuntu' or the Igbo 'onye aghala nwanne ya'—emphasizes genuine community. But modern networking borrows heavily from Western models: think power suits, aggressive self-promotion, and that uncomfortable eye contact drilled into us at corporate workshops. It clashes with our natural warmth, making us feel like imposters. Add economic pressures—high unemployment rates hovering around 33% and the hustle of side gigs—and networking becomes survival mode. You're not chatting; you're strategizing, which can strip away authenticity.

Another layer is the fear of vulnerability. Admitting struggles, like the funding woes of your small business in Abuja or the burnout from juggling a 9-5 with freelance work in Port Harcourt, feels risky. What if it makes you seem weak? So, we default to facades: exaggerated success stories or inflated titles. I once met someone at a tech meetup in Enugu who claimed to run a 'global firm'—turns out, it was a one-man operation from his family home. These masks protect us but erode trust, turning potential allies into acquaintances at best.

The Hidden Costs of Inauthentic Networking

Beyond the emotional toll, fake networking wastes time and energy. Picture this: You spend hours on social media, liking posts and commenting generically on profiles of 'big shots' in the Nigerian entertainment industry or fintech scene. You land a coffee meetup, but it fizzles because neither of you invested beyond the surface. In a country where fuel prices fluctuate wildly and time is money, that's a luxury we can't afford.

It also perpetuates inequality. In Nigeria, where nepotism and 'who you know' can make or break careers, inauthentic networking favors the bold or connected—often those from urban elites in Lagos or Abuja. For someone from a rural area in Oyo State or a first-generation professional in Kano, forcing a 'fake it till you make it' approach feels even more alienating. It reinforces barriers instead of breaking them, leaving many feeling like outsiders in their own success story.

Shifting to Authentic Connections

The good news? Networking doesn't have to feel like a con. Authenticity starts with mindset: view it as building mutual value, not extracting it. In Nigerian culture, think of it like attending a family owambe— you're there to share jollof rice, catch up, and strengthen bonds, not just eat and leave. Here's how to infuse genuineness into your interactions.

Start with Curiosity, Not a Pitch

Ditch the script. Instead of leading with 'What do you do?', ask 'What's exciting you in your work lately?' or 'How did you navigate that challenge?' This opens doors to real stories. At a recent Nollywood networking mixer in Ikeja, I skipped the usual intros and asked a producer about the hurdles of funding indie films post-EndSARS. It sparked a 30-minute chat about resilience in creative industries—far more memorable than any business card swap. In Nigeria's vibrant startup ecosystem, where events like Techpoint Build pop up regularly, this approach uncovers shared struggles, like battling erratic power supply or naira devaluation, fostering empathy over envy.

Embrace Vulnerability Thoughtfully

Sharing a bit of your real self builds rapport. Not oversharing woes, but honest glimpses. If you're a young entrepreneur in Ibadan dealing with supply chain delays due to poor roads, mention it lightly: 'It's tough sourcing materials from the North with the current logistics mess—how do you handle that?' This invites reciprocity. I tried it at a women's empowerment forum in Calabar; admitting my imposter syndrome in writing led to a mentor offering genuine advice on pitching to publishers. Vulnerability signals trust, turning strangers into confidants.

Follow Up with Meaning

The magic happens post-event. Generic 'Nice to meet you' emails? Skip them. Reference something specific: 'Loved your take on sustainable agriculture at the event—here's an article on agro-tech in Delta State that might interest you.' In a digital age where WhatsApp groups explode after conferences, this stands out. For Nigerians navigating informal networks, like joining alumni associations from UNILAG or ABU, meaningful follow-ups can evolve into collaborations, such as co-hosting a webinar on youth employment in the face of economic reforms.

Real-Life Scenarios: Making It Work in Nigeria

Let's ground this with examples. Imagine you're a fresh graduate from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, eyeing a marketing role in Lagos. At a job fair, instead of blasting your CV, you chat with a recruiter about the influence of Afrobeats on brand campaigns—drawing from how artists like Burna Boy shape youth culture. That shared passion leads to an internship tip, not because you networked 'right,' but because you connected humanly.

Or consider small business owners in Onitsha's markets. Networking there isn't cocktail parties; it's daily interactions with traders. One woman I know, selling fabrics, built her supplier network by hosting informal evening chats over garri and soup, discussing family and market trends. No fakeness—just consistent, value-adding relationships that weathered the COVID-19 lockdowns.

In the corporate world, take fintech pros at events like Africa Fintech Summit. A developer from Flutterwave's early days shared how he bonded with peers over late-night debugging sessions during NEPA outages, not polished presentations. These stories show authenticity thrives in our context: leveraging our storytelling tradition, communal events, and resilience.

Practical Takeaways for Authentic Networking

To wrap up, transforming networking means small, intentional shifts. Here are actionable steps tailored for us:

1. Prepare with Questions, Not Monologues: Before events, jot down 3-5 open-ended queries based on the theme. For a business seminar in Abuja, ask about impacts of the African Continental Free Trade Area on local SMEs.

2. Seek Shared Spaces: Join niche groups like Toastmasters Nigeria or industry WhatsApp communities. Attend cultural events—think Lagos Fashion Week or literary readings in Enugu—where connections form organically.

3. Track Genuine Interactions: Use a simple journal to note follow-ups. Set a goal: one meaningful outreach per week, like sharing a resource on navigating CBN regulations for startups.

4. Practice Self-Reflection: After networking, ask: Did I listen more than I spoke? Was I present? Adjust for next time.

5. Celebrate Small Wins: A coffee chat that sparks ideas? That's success. In Nigeria's hustle, authentic networks become your safety net—referrals during layoffs, collaborations amid inflation.

Networking doesn't have to feel fake; it can be a genuine extension of who you are. By prioritizing curiosity, vulnerability, and follow-through, you'll build a circle that uplifts, not exhausts. Next time you're at that event, remember: it's not about the room—it's about the real conversations that linger.